it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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