OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
