im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
