Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
