I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
