was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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