dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
