i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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