The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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