ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
