Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
