He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
