Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
