Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we should paint friendship bongs
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