i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
