Soap is not a condiment
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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