she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
