Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
