**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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