I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
