omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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