WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
