Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
