It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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