Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am midnight drunk by noon
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
