It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
