yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
