About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
