Screwed.edu
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
