What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
