haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
