We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
