You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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