gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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