I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize