I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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