I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
