Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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