Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is the high leading the old right now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
