I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
