She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
