i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
