you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
