all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
