just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
