strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
