my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
