waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
