It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
