Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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