Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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