i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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