I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
