you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
