my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
