sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
