I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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