you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize