Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
