i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
