i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
