FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
