look no pants
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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