if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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