Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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