he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize