I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I came so hard my ears popped.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
